LAMB

I am reading "Lamb" a satire of Jesus's life as told by his childhood friend Biff, while the man next to me is reading the bible. How ironic.

I dream of ... snakes

Last night I dreamt of a snake. A snake that bit me.

I am not sure how the snake ended up in my dream, as I was not in the woods or the destert or by the sea, but in an apartment. But somehow it did. And then it bit me. And then I was
afraid I was going to die. Which even in a dream, is not very fun.

I looked up what dreaming of snakes means in real life and I was not too pleased.

• If a snake was coiled around you then you might be slave to sexual passions or repressions. it was.
• According to oracles, snakes in dreams warn you of troubles, obstacles and treatchery. sweet.

I feel like I need to take a couple of days off, barricade myself in my room, and turn off my phone. Wait it out. It, being some very unfortunate incident that is coming.

minor annoyances

1. Lady at the Macy's jewelry counter told me it would be easier for her if I had my receipt. Although the stuff had the "return sticker" on them. Yes, easier for the Macy's saleslady is what I am concerned with.

2. After trying to return a useless balm thing at the Benefit counter, the chick just would not let up. She continued to press "have you used it? have you used it right? do you want to try again? can I show you how? why do you not like it? are you sure you don't like it?" I mean!! I just want to return it - not re-buy it!!!

3. Kids behind the Ben and Jerry's counter who after staring at me and Becca.. after we said "uhm, could we get some ice cream? " said, oh, we didn't know you were ready. Well, why didn't you simply ask us?

I now remember why I don't shop more often. minor annoyanes

Second Chance

Poem: "Second Chance" by Louis McKee from Near Occasions of Sin. © Cynic Press.

In my dream I return
to the place I went
wrong, and given this
chance to change
things, I go on
down the way I went
before. Even in sleep
I know there is only one go—
and it went well
the first time. Where
it didn't- well, it will
be good to see her again.

Creed

Poem: "Creed" by Meg Kearney from An Unkindness of Ravens. © BOA Editions, Rochester, New York, 2001. Reprinted with permission. (buy now)

Creed

I believe the chicken before the egg
though I believe in the egg. I believe
eating is a form of touch carried
to the bitter end; I believe chocolate
is good for you; I believe I'm a lefty
in a right-handed world, which does not
make me gauche, or abnormal, or sinister.
I believe "normal" is just a cycle on
the washing machine; I believe the touch
of hands has the power to heal, though
nothing will ever fill this immeasurable
hole in the center of my chest. I believe
in kissing; I believe in mail; I believe
in salt over the shoulder, a watched
pot never boils, and if I sit by my
mailbox waiting for the letter I want
it will never arrive—not because of
superstition, but because that's not
how life works. I believe in work:
phone calls, typing, multiplying,
black coffee, write write write, dig
dig dig, sweep sweep. I believe in
a slow, tortuous sweep of tongue
down the lover's belly; I believe I've
been swept off my feet more than once
and it's a good idea not to name names.
Digging for names is part of my work,
but that's a different poem. I believe
there's a difference between men and
women and I thank God for it. I believe
in God, and if you hold the door
and carry my books, I'll be sure to ask
for your name. What is your name? Do
you believe in ghosts? I believe
the morning my father died I heard him
whistling "Danny Boy" in the bathroom,
and a week later saw him standing in
the living room with a suitcase in his
hand. We never got to say good-bye, he
said, and I said I don't believe in
good-byes. I believe that's why I have
this hole in my chest; sometimes it's
rabid; sometimes it's incoherent. I
believe I'll survive. I believe that
"early to bed and early to rise" is
a boring way to live. I believe good
poets borrow, great poets steal, and
if only we'd stop trying to be happy
we could have a pretty good time. I
believe time doesn't heal all wounds;
I believe in getting flowers for no
reason; I believe "Give a Hoot, Don't
Pollute," "Reading is Fundamental,"
Yankee Stadium belongs in the Bronx,
and the best bagels in New York are
boiled and baked on the corner of First
and 21st. I believe in Santa
Claus, Jimmy Stewart, ZuZu's petals,
Arbor Day, and that ugly baby I keep
dreaming about—she lives inside me
opening and closing her wide mouth.
I believe she will never taste her
mother's milk; she will never be
beautiful; she will always wonder what
it's like to be born; and if you hold
your hand right here—touch me right
here, as if this is all that matters,
this is all you ever wanted, I believe
something might move inside me,
and it would be more than I could stand.

Things that make you go "hmmm"

Aries

You may appear to dislike men due to your extreme independence. However, nothing could be further from the truth. You are domineering and you have a rather nonchalant attitude. Your energetic and once aroused, you will be sexually aggressive. You like to make noise when you make love and in some ways you are like a wild animal in the bedroom, playful, vibrant and fearless. You like to use your body and are quite athletic both in and out of the sexual arena. You are a romantic, in love with love. You accept love as ones of life's little pleasures. You are a free spirit, always looking for a lover, not a father. You are an idealist. You go after whatever you want and you certainly won't take no for an answer. You have no trouble attracting men because you are always where the action is. You do not handle your money well which can cause a problem for the man who falls in love with you. You however are worth every cent that you cost your lover as you can stimulate him in ways that no one else can do.

I love this poem..

Poem: "Who Was That Man?" by Paul Bussan from A Rage of Intelligence: Poems. © PSB Publishing. Reprinted with permission. (buy now)

Who Was That Man?
I love those movies
About a stranger
Who rides into town
On the back of a horse,
And proceeds to start
A chain of events
That makes each person
Take stock of their lives,
So that after he's gone
Everyone's better
Or worse for the wear
Than they were
Before he arrived

Me, in ATL with an old friend, and some new friends. Oh, and some cleavage.. =)

Interesting things about The Glenn

1. When you exit the elevator, a lovely young women's voice announces the floor number, followed by "Cheeryo" in a british accent.

2. My minibar selection includes a "Getting to know you kit" (yes, it is.)

3. I have a flatscreen TV.

4. My side lamps hang from rods from the ceiling and have a tassled pull.

5. The mirror light is a dimmer, so you can light it up.. just right.

6. There is a valet. I love valet.

7. There is a $50 dollar fumigation fee per day if you smoke in your room. Cigars, that is.

8. .. there is more.

A.T.L.

So it's been a while, but I wanted to share my lates, and on-going adventure.

Right now, currently, and for the next couple of days, I am in Atlanta. A-town, A T L, hotLanta etc.

My hotel is The Glenn hotel www.glennhotel.com is just as funky and hip as the website leads on. It reminds me of a more colorful (and I am talking strickly paint) Standard. You got your lobby/bar, your hip restaurant and your requisite roof-top extravaganza.
I guess last night I.T. had his birthday party there (yes, I was there). Who is IT? I don't know, but supposedly he is a big rap star, and is going to be in the ATL movie that is coming to theatres near you. Who knew that my expedia booking would provide me with such excitment.

I just opened the Atlanta Journal Constitution, and saw that B.E.D. the restaurant at the Glenn, is featured in ther www.accessatlanta.com section. Didn't get very good ratings... one star. I think it was a pity star. In any case, the bar/lobby makes up for whatever B.E.D. might not provide. It's really lovely. Dark a mix between New York, and Miami and feels like a lounge should.. intimate, comfortable and stylish.

I've got to run.. I'm goign to see if I can get myself into some trouble tonight.. wink

..crush update..

I love crushes, because when they are not tended to, unlike weeds, they do not flourish. I think I might be happily un-crushing. Yeay!

Dream Analysis

Last night I dreamt of losing my leg, and having a prosthetic replacement.
I checked swoon.com for the meening of such a traumatic event.

Leg
A dream concerning any injury, deformity, swelling, bruising or blemish of the legs signifies financial difficulties, the degree of which will be in ratio to the seriousness of the leg troubles. A dream of skinny legs is a warning of embarrassment due to an ill-advised romance, but a dream of beautiful legs forecasts a happy change of circumstances.

..uhm.. If I LOST my leg (which would be bad), but now have a working prosthetic, (allows to even compete in tri-athelons) am I still in financial difficulties?

James Lipton recites Kevin Federline's PopoZao

http://www.youtube.com/w/James-Lipton-on-Conan-Reciting-PopoZao?v=melbZaSrgdk&eurl

Now, there is absolutely no doubt about who is coolerm, James Lipton or Kevin Federline.

Go Ji-m, Go Ji-m, Go Ji-m!!!

Who the heck is James Frye?

So if you have not heard about James Frye, author of "A Million Little Pieces", you will. Because stories of him are everywhere. And the nation is divided!!

Mr. Frye wrote a book which he subsequently published as a memoir. The book narrates Frye's turbulent youth, his alcoholism, drug addiction and his recovery at a Center. He makes it through, after being at the lowest of lows, and does it without the 12 step program. He is a Survivor.

A memoir, according to American Heritage, is "An account of the personal experiences of an author." Low and behold, after Frye got his book published, Oprah picked it to be her book club book. (The first one since an author REFUSED to be on her show, and submit his book and himself to the zoo of "Oprah's pick".) The smoking gun, which regularly posts mugshots of famous people on it's website, decided to add Frye's mugshots to it's collection. Low and behold, the website had a tought time finding the arrests that Frye so vividly describes in his book. They dug further.. now they come to find out that not only do some of those seem fabricated, but other details of his story cannot be verified. There are many, many, many articles, shows and commentaries devoted to the real/fictional story of Mr. Frye.

There are two camps sitting on opposite sides of these million little pieces. One, the one that Oprah has most recently decided to desert, says that this book is entertainment. That it has given inspiration to people. That it has allowed people to try to discuss addiction and alcoholism. That it is a story and that each person is able to take away from it something. The other camp is of folks that think it is wrong for Frey to lie and make up stories in this type of forum. That it does make a difference to the reader whether or not pieces of a story are actually true. And that the difference inded has an effect. That it is a disservice to those who thought they were taking something away to now know that it might all have been fabricated.

Me? I pose this question... If you look at a Van Gough painting and are inspired... If you notice the brush strokes of the artist, the detail of the composition, the vividness of the paint color.... If you walk away and feel good about yourself, and resolve to buy your mother flowers, because you have been inspired. If you later find out that the painting is a reproduction, do you think your Mom appreciates the flowers any less?

(This book was a book club pick for our book club before Oprah announced her backing.)

Moonlit walks and thunder

"What are your hobbies btw? What turns you on Smarta? I'm curious."

Romantic dinners, moonlit walks, sandy beaches and thunder. kidding, of course.

How about things I enjoy, in no particular order: reading, my pup, restaurants, skiing, walks, mason jennings, decorationg, hanging with friends, spending time alone, holidays & weekends, the beach, watching tv on the couch, music, vegas, road trips, candles and walking down the beach holding hands (kidding, again).

The Importance of Being Honest

I've been emailing with an aqaintance of mine. I initiated this communication after seeing him at a dinner one of my friends threw. I could say that I don't know why I e-mailed him. I could say that I have no agenda. I could say that I don't want anything but some friendly e-mail banter. I could lie.

I think I would like for him to ask me out. And for us to go to dinner, for drinks - to see if we have the propensity to talk for hours. To see if we should be more than just acquaintances. To see if when he smiles at a joke I have made, I get shivers down my spine. To see if when he holds my hand the first time, goosebumps appear. And what he thinks of all that.

Do I have a gut feeling that this is what I'm supposed to do? Absolutely not. That I should pretend that between the small talk, the stories, and the words I so carefully form there is nothing driving me. No agenda. I don't know what even put the idea in my mind that this is an available course of action to me. That this is at all welcome. That I can trespass on his life in a most intrusive way.

But I'm so curious about him, that I don't think I want to stop. Even though I probably will find, that there's nothing to this. That his replies, read by a neutral party, are peppered with clandestine versions of "what's gotten into you?", "why are you e-mailing me?" and "you want to know this, why?"

So I think I'm going to let myself be this foolish, silly girl for a couple more weeks. And after that, I will be honest. I will tell him my "agenda". I will await rejection. Because even though there is a very good chance that he'll fully laugh me out of the park, there is just no need for me to be spending time fooling myself.

For Use, For Women Over 30

I have started to use a wrinkle cream. It is not to be used by women under 30.
I wonder what it is about 30 that is so magical. It's reminiscent of saying that someone 16 years of age can drive, and that 18 year olds can die for their country (yes, I'm being dramatic). I think that makes me think that this 30 is also arbitrary. Maybe I should wait.

what women want (to talk about)

Why is it, that whenever single women get together, they wind up (at least at some point) talking about boys. It's not like the more we talk about the opposite sex, we'll figure it out. It isn't like one of us has traveled to Manland and has come back with at book of notes about interesting finds and previously unexplored vistas. We all know nothing about men. I think that people like talking about things they can't predict. Like where you'll be in 20 years, what you'd do if you won the lottery, what you'd name your kids. Topics like fashion are discussed as well, but they are far more defined, so not as exciting.. I like this, you like that.. that's in, that's out. Mysteries are also women's favorites. Is it because the end is not clear?

Women also like giving other women advice, on fashion, on how to spend their lotto winnings, on what to name their children, and on MEN. How to woo them, how to treat them, how to wind them around their fingers, how to approach them, how to talk to them, when to call them, when to split the bill with them, when to see them, and when to sleep with them. It's too bad that we're all realy just guessing.

Can it

I had entered the ladies room and exchanged a greeting with a coworker.

I went into my stall, closed the door.. etc. At the same time my co-worker yells over. "hey, do you want to buy some raffle tickets for the fundraiser?"

"are you seriously asking me while I'm peeing?"

"I guess not, bye."


the sorry end.

Crush

I have a crush. There I've said it. I thought I was too old for those, but apparently not. It's a good thing that I never see him, or run into him. Because if I did.. I think i'd get shy, and smile, and blush, and then later think of what I should have said. I wish someone could explain to me how a crush happens... if you can make it stop. Or, if I can cast a spell and make US happen.

Everybody hates rejection

But what I hate even more, is unecessary rejection. I try not to engage in this personally, since it's completely needless, and pointless... and really just mean. So here I am in a normal dating situation, and basically after a couple of dates it just isn't going to go anywhere. But the guy keeps calling and suggesting we do things. So I say "you know, it probably would be better if we just remained friends for right now" and he replies.. "Duuuh. That's all I wanted anyway. It's not like I was trying to date." REALLLLY. So apparently he's real close with His friends. I guess I try to err on the side of caution whenever I am to tell anyone that there is no future for us. Guys, apparently, can just throw caution to the wind and are free to assume that every blonde, debbie, or harriet are after them. And when these girls put on the brakes, the guys just pull the "no, not me, never." Whatever.

El Horoscopo

Your plans for the next three weeks won't go off exactly as you'd expected. In fact, they probably won't be anything you can really count on. Basically, it's going to be like Murphy's Law -- whatever can go wrong will go wrong. That goes double for you, so try not to get too frustrated with others -- it's not their fault. Fortunately, if anyone is good at coming up with Plan B, or C or D at a moment's notice, it's you. Start making those plans now.

Here we go....

1. Expedia Holiday trip reservations, unable to be booked at first because of credit card issues (CC issuer fault) - Resolved
2. Holiday party date is now preceded by wild and rumbunkcious (sp?) going away party, and most recently coinciding with friends' boyfriend's party.
3. Doggie sitting services instead of beginning next week, had to be commenced last night. This meant an unexpected 2 hour trip at 9pm.
4. H&M Grand Opening party invitation great. Standing in line for 2 hours to get in... not so great. Plan B'd it and went to get Thai.


...more to come.

Dear...

Why do you say the things you say, why do you do the things you do? Why do you call and then not call? Why do you txt and then not txt. Why am I ever on your mind, and never when I'd like to be? Why do you immediately, reply to things of no consequence. I've read the book, and am fairly certain that your interest in me is d-minor.

On top of it all, I cannot hide my feelings, well or at all. When you ask me if I'm bothered, or embarassed or uncomfortable... because we are talking of things that are private,.. I can form the words that voice a "no, of course not", but I know that if you look at me you can see if I am true. It's something I am working on, and someday soon, I hope to me made of stone.

I don't like to say goodbye.. for I know not when our eyes will meet, when you will hold my hand, twirl me around and hold me close. If, ever again.

-me

All that matches isn't meant to be

---- exactly 1 month later, I have some updates---

I'd like to say that I don't know off the top of my head how match-dates I have had. I do know that I have had my profile viewed 11689 times (so far). I've received countless (only because I didn't count them) winks, and about half as many e-mails. Of the e-mails received I engaged in some kind of exchange with probably 1/3 of those, and my dates below are the result. A lot of hard work, determination, writing and wit was invested into securing these (ha ha). And now, the results of the three month stint on match.com.

1. J. Rome- Dinner date. Funny guy. Can't say more as J. Rome has become a friend and might read this. =)

2. Tall Man- Cute picture. We e-mailed for a while and then went to get lunch. Unfortunately, he was a bit awkward. I should have known as the emails were at times awkward. So then the whole thing became awkward. I had to carry the whole freaking conversation. Thought about requesting the lunch hour to be reduced to 45 minutes.

3. TeaTim- We talked mostly about cooking and going out in San Francisco. We met for Tea on Clement. Nice guy. We talked about reading, writing, our jobs. I never heard from him again, although I did see him walking to the same cafe one night.

4. OldManPeter- A bit out of my age range, but I conceded to go because he was very cute, nice, well spoken. Apparently he didn't think the same of me 'cuz after our date at Solistice he never called. Not a biggie, since it felt like I was being taken out by someone's older mature brother. ****And he's sent me two emails last week. It's been at least 2 months after our initial date. Sorry, you're a little late.

5. BillyBoy- oh, please go read about BillyBoy in the archives. He's from Los Angeles. =)

6. YoungBuck- How classic that I should run into him today. I didn't really want to go to lunch with him, but he kind of pressured me into it. Anyway, it was pretty terrible, starting with him asking me to take off my sunglasses. After that he continued to make remarks about my age, and how I probably wanted to date older men who would be my sugar daddies and buy me things. Then, after I said that we probably wouldn't be going out again (yes, he asked) he decided to e-mail me and make me the following offer " If you are ever want to hang out, or just be Friends-with-benefits he would be open to that." hahahahahahahahahh

7. TexasMan- Quick onto e-mail. Met for wine. A bit frail for me. Very funny and smart though. Apparently our meeting brought out some matchimosity though. A little to much rant for a girl from VA.

8. (OldManJohn) aka SensitveRacer- Have gone out twice. Had a great time. He's concerned that our lifestyles wouldn't mix, because of my late night raves. Oh wait. I don't do raves, and am in bed by 10pm most nights. There might be other things going on. Dunno. *** I have received a complaint from OldManJohn. Apparently he found the blog and is mad that I wrote about him. When I promised not to record our follies, I didn't know that I was going to do do a recap of all my dates. I have amended his "call name". =)

9. Swingin'Scott- Doesn't have picture on match, because he doesn't want to tell his friends about it. First suspicion was that he was married. He was going the friends-with-benefits angle. Although e-mailing and text messaging was fun, the actual meeting was flat. Turn offs: Swingin'.

10. StevieStiggs- Cute, nice, maybe a bit shy? Did match as a joke, which makes me feel on less of an even footing with him. .. and the rest is Private. Ha Ha Ha

11. SugarRay- very PHOTOGENIC, it appears. I'm thinking he thought that he might've been let the genie out of the bottle and was meeting his first wish. Coffe, bagel, and then we said goodbye.

12. Single Dad- yet to meet, although looks like his interest has faded. *** I say his interest is now 6 feet under.

13. High Flyer- been there, done that, bubble but. Went to italian, he told me he wanted to convert me to be an evangelical christian. yup, he totally "got me". I thought I was goign to absolutely die. Funny, but unfortunately no chemistry.

Number of dates: 12 (so far)
Number of friends: 1 (so far)
Number of make-out session: 0 (so far) **** 1 - No, your eyes are not deceiving you. This little girl from the Park got to make out with a hottie off match. And it was pretty darn fun. =) ******and again.

Fee paid for match.com: $50
Getting some blog material: Priceless

And for that, all you need is a SmartaDate

Books are cool!

For a couple of years now (I KNOW!!!) we've had quite the little book club going. Most of us girls live in they city of San Francisco, and we meet once a month at our host's house where we drink great wine, nibble on some fantastic food, and discuss the chosen book.

If I was able to describe my feelings about the selection in a word or so, I have.


Bel Canto by Ann Patchett (March) great read

Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold (April) deep and sad

The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd (July) lovely

Atonement by Ian McEwen(September) uhmm. still have not finished it- maybe I'll try again

Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown(October) thrilling

Life of Pie by Yann Martel(December) please read the entire thing- don't give up- it's amazing

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime by Mark Haddon (January) a favorite

The Last Girls by Lee Smith (February) yuck

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov (March) interesting and disturbing

Blue Angel by Francine Prose (May) can't recommend

Perfume by Patrick Suskind (June) interesting perspective on life in early france

The Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell and Dustin Thomason (July) -not sure how this managed to get published- complete garbage

The Dirt by Motley Crue (August) made me like MC all over again

The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory(September) LOVED IT!

A Girl Becomes a Comma Like That by Lisa Glatt(October) wish the writer had not forced her amazing short stories into something else

Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini (November) really pleasantly suprised- great discussion

Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger (January) good book- glad I'm not in HS anymore

The Unbearable Lightness of Being (February) a little odd, with nuggets of wisdom such as that you only live one life, in a linear fashion- so trying to figure out what might have been is completely irrational.

The Plot Against America (March) I can't say I absolutely loved it, or for that matter even finished it, but it did start a very good discussion at the book club. I'd recommend for that reason alone.

My Sisters' Keeper (April) Tears, tears and more tears. A serious discussion followed. Definitely a good book club book. Even if at times it would have profited from some depth.

One Thousand White Women (May) Not bad, not good. Kind of a stereotype book about early america. Could have been funnier, but wasn't.

Confederacy of Dunces (July) Uhm. I really didn't like it. People did. I finished it, but only because I really wanted to make sure that there wasn't $100 dollars in there I was supposed to find as incentive for buying the $3 book.

The Time Travelers Wife (August) Amazing book. I highly recommend it. It was awesome.

The Fabulist (September)

Pirate Love

I don't know why that is, but I really like our robbing, sailing, pillaging friends on boats.

I have an unexplainable fondess for all things pirate. Maybe it's because:

They looked for treasure.
They looked for booty.
They had a unique sense of style.
They had boats.
They were not afraid of heights.
They liked monkeys.
They liked to party.
They were rebels.

"Argh."

One in a million, huh?  

THE B-WORD

... headers and first paragraphs taken from Jellybean.com (don't ask)

Know What You’re Looking For
This is really important, because once you get a boyfriend you actually have to spend time with him! That can be a huge drag if he doesn't have the right qualities to make you happy. Make a list of qualities that your ideal boyfriend should have, such as intelligence, looks, sense of humor, a passion for music, or respect for other people's feelings.

*My list of wanted qualities*
Hot
Funny
Smart
Rich
Generous
Focused
Social
Local

Be Ready to Love a New Guy
Do a self-check and make sure you are over old hurts and disappointments in love. You're only set for a new relationship if you can put aside any grudges or crushes on old boyfriends, so you're ready to move on.

Hmmm. Setting aside grudges might be difficult. The crush thing? I think it's healthy to have crushes on people. But overall there is noone in my life that I'd like to be dating.

Put Your Best Self Forward
Attract the type of guy you're looking for by emphasizing your best features and downplaying negative qualities. That means making the most of what you have, both physically and mentally. For example, if you don’t like your flat chest but you’ve got wicked muscular thighs, show off your best assets in cute minis that put the attention on your great legs. If you're not much of a comedian in class, but you are a caring type of person, go out of your way to be helpful to others and let that compassion shine.

Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative. Hmm. So is being a smart-ass positive or negative? I guess a flat chest is a negative? Who knew! What is drinking considered?

Have a Life of Your Own
Boys can sense when a girl is desperate for a boyfriend, and it makes them run in the other direction. Most boys want to hook up with confident girls who seem like they don't need a boyfriend to have a good time. If you appear to be happy, self-assured and fun to be around, guys will take a second look at you. Yes, boys like good-looking girls, but beauty only gets you so far. Most boys with any dating experience know that it's better to date a fun and interesting regular chick, than a boring as mud beauty queen.

I hope I can fool them all into thinking that I have a good time with my friends! I hope to APPEAR happy, self-assured and fun.. And again, glad to hear that you have to be EITHER fun and interesting and plain OR boring and cute.

Take a Second Look
Consider any unattached guys at your school or job, or even the sons of your parents' friends. Maybe you think you're already considered everyone, but think again! Open your mind to guys you already know, but might have overlooked for shallow reasons, such as a lame fashion style. When you look deeper, do any of them have the qualities that you want in a boyfriend?

Nope. Still no one. Nope.
.. and yes, I understand the whole theory about picking the best available to you, but c'mon..!

Get Involved
One of the best ways to meet new guys - and to get to know them better - is to get involved in school activities. Find out what's offered at your school, such as clubs, sports teams, and other extra-curricular activities. Join activities that you enjoy or that you are sincerely interested in, so you can meet people with similar interests. From soccer to drama to yearbook, most schools offer many opportunities for teens to get involved. This can be an amazing way to meet new guys, expand your horizons and widen your circle of friends at the same time.

Shit. I don't go to school.

Send a Message
If you have your eye on a certain hottie, let mutual friends know about your interest in him. Ask someone you trust to discreetly tell him about your crush.

Shit.

Flirt!
Flirting really is a girl's best friend. Once you've set your sights on a cutie, take things to the next step by learning to attract his attention with flirting. This can help you become friendly with him, and you can learn to send the subtle signal that you're interested in becoming more than just friends. You can find awesome flirting tips right in this very Flirting Guide.

I don't know how. I know it's hard to believe, but I think I'm kinda shy.

Try the Direct Approach
For bold girls, sometimes the direct approach applies. This doesn't mean walking up to your crush and saying, "I like you, wanna go out?" which is highly risky and could backfire. Instead, be bold in the right setting, such as asking your crush to dance to a slow song at the school dance, or telling him you had a dream that you two were a couple and it was so sweet. His reaction will let you know if he's interested!

HA HA HA HA. You've got to be f'n kidding.

Keep Your Eyes and Heart Open
Love can surface in unexpected places and at unexpected times. Keep your eyes open wherever you are and learn to look beneath the surface of guys. Remember, the right guy for you is somewhere out there, and he's looking for you too!

He is? I hope he gets here soon, 'cause I just turned thirty, and someone told me last month that i'm pretty much SOL if I dont' start having kids this year.. THANKS!

awkward..

July 25
A guy asked me out this morning after we both got Coffee from 'bucks. I stammered and then said... "I'm taken." What? I'm what? Am I totally retarded. Who says that?!

August 5
At a Restaurant in North Beach, with some friends, waiting for dinner to arrive. Look over and there is guy. Starbucks guy. Oy vey. He comes over and invites himself to sit down. We have one of the most painful conversations I can remember ever having. (My friend J, has bruises on her leg for my incessent Help! kicks.)He asks if I would like to go on a date sometime. I tell him "We already talked abut this." I almost say the taken thing again but I don't.

August 8
I see Guy is seen exchanging numbers with some blond girl off the bus. I duck and run for cover.

August 10
While perusing match.. I come accross guy's profile.

August 11
Trying to find bigger city to live in.

UPDATE
August 12
I receive an email in my match account. F&#$@!

Encounters of the lunch kind

So I am walking to my lunchtime yoga class, when I see the gentleman who operates a very classy flower shop in my building. He is of polish descent, so we have on occasion had some conversations. So we are walking towards each other. I have my handbag in my left hand, and I wave hello with my right. He then grabs my left hand and says "Oh, I was just checking if there was a ring on your finger. You look so happy."

Do I need to say more? Can we just go with comments here..?!

Fog

Fog is God breathing down on us.

maybe you should say "Bye-bye"

I had e-mail back to a guy who said "Ok, last attempt. If I don't hear from you still, I'm breaking up with you..........haha." I stated that I didn't think we had corresponded, but that since he lives in the Eastbay, it wouldn't work out.
I just got this in response..

Hmmm, nope, second attempt. You even replied to the first one stating that W.C. was too far. Aside from that, no urgency whatsoever. It's appearent that you've been doing this for some time. Why would you suspect that it is urgent and related to me quitting the service??? Exactly the reason for quitting this crap. Too complex and most of you are by far too consumed with the notes you receive. It's quite sad what society has become..........give it some thought, seriously, this stuff is bad news. The perfect person does not exist, not even through match.com's search engine. I'm not upset by any means and do wish you all the best. :-) Take care.

No, I don't think you are upset. Just.. hmmm CRANKY!!

=(

I do not have what you'd ordinarily consider a stressful job.. or what I would consider a stressful job. I am not saving lives, dealing with billions of dollars, or influencing leaders of countries. But one part of it give me basically an anxiety attack. It's when we send out an e-mail alert/invitation/communication to our contacts. We can have it proofed by 20 different people, have our partners sign off on it, have the it dept. bless it and inevitably something will still go wrong. And it's my butt. I can't even hit the send button. I have to have someone do it, and then I take a walk. I hate that feeling. It's awful. It's terrible. And there is nothing I can do about it...

4th of July Weekend Thoughts

Is there anything at all in the world you have less control over than falling in love? Maybe other's falling in love with you, but I might get some folks that would argue with that (moi aussi.) -ms

So this Fourth of July weekend was a blast. I hung out with friends and went on a couple of dates. Went to a street fair, concert, bbq(s). Drank wine, ate good food, and babysat a 9 month old baby girl named Marin. This whole weekend has brought about three realizations.

One. A guy I went out for drinks with, had let me know that really (although he is flexible) he doesn't really date women that are older than 36 (he is 38). I was surprised and inquired as to why. It had never crossed my mind to just date younger/older men. He said that it is because women his age, tend to have their biological clocks Tocking. Since he wants to spend a good amount of time with his betrothed before embarking on the Kids adventure, he thinks dating younger women helps further that goal. I was surprised, but it makes perfect sense. I feel very similarly about this. Once I do meet that someone, I want to spend a lot of time as just a couple. I want to do fun things, travel, go on dates, party, do projects, and have many, many adventures. I feel like that is my only regret in life so far (and not that easily fixed).. not really having been part of a couple in the last 10 years.

Two. Sometimes we put pressure on ourselves unduly. Needlessly, hopelessly. I thought this weekend more and more about how wonderful it is to live out here, and to have a mix of friends... single, dating, married, and a couple of babies sprinkled in between. I don't know how I would cope with being constantly surrounded by friends' exponentially growing families. I think even with the "joy of life" thing going on, it would be really depressing to be perpetually single in married land. I'm glad that these kinds of pressures (needless, hopeless, put mostly by myself upon myself) only make themselves apparent once in a while. I'm glad that most of the time I'm not expected to be keeping up with the Joneses, or the Nesters, or the Pawlowskis (more names to add soon) because I would be failing miserably.

Three. I'm not sure I want to have kids. I do hope that I will figure this out at some point, hopefully soon. Meanwhile, I can't make any promises to myself/others. I love my friends' kids, and I love seeing them with their kids, and I love them having kids, and me holding their kids. I just don't know.. about me having them.

Miss Match

I was going down to work in our LA office last week, and was going to be there Thursday and Friday. I decided to stay the night Friday because I thought I might be in the office until late, and didn't want to fight the LA traffic, even in a cab. As I don't know many (any) people down there, and I wasn't banking on my work folks taking me out, I decided to to bold. To go MATCH\. I went into my account and searched for males 28-33 with an LA zip code attached to them. I find a very cute boy, whose profile seem normal, and I decide to e-mail him and see if he'd be down for a drink.

E-mails ensue..

Smarta: I know this is random, and everytime I have gotten an e-mail like this I've deleted it, but... Anyway, I'm in our LA office for two days, and just found out that my friend, who was supposed to meet me here Friday night is flaking, and not flying down from SF to meet me. I'd seen your profile (and picture) and thought I'd e-mail you and see if you wanted to get drinks Friday night? (I'm not sure anyone in LA does happy hour?) I think I might be able to convince a second cousin of a good friend of mine to take me out for dinner and on the town..... but that seems an even longer shot than this =) Desperate times call for desperate measures.. and a girl can't sit in her hotel room on a Friday night. Let me know what you think, but please be gentle.. I feel like it's Sadie Hawkins..

BillyBoy: Ha ha! I usually delete these e-mails as well. But, then again, they usually come from women who are significantly older than me! Meeting up for drinks on Friday couldn't hurt so why not? You are very lucky, I do this even though you are a Hokie (and your Hokies embarrassed my Maryland Terps 55-7 on national tv this year). One question, I noticed on your profile something I've never seen before. Your body style is "other." Out of curiosity (and considering the 180 other possible descriptions to choose from), what does that mean?

Phone numbers exchanged...

Smarta: Hey Billy, it's Marta from match. How's it going?
BillyBoy: Well, crazy day. Had a client emergency.
Smarta: So what's the plan for tonight?
BillyBoy: Well what do you want to do?
Smarta: Well, not from LA so really, you're the boss here.
BillyBoy: So do you have a car?
Smarta: Nope, but I have a cab.
BillyBoy: Why don't we go to Lola's.
Smarta: Okay, where is that??? You, know I'll just look that up. I'm sure I can find it. What time?
BillyBoy: 6:30.
Smarta: What time should I leave..
BillyBoy: Let's make it 7, and you'll need to leave by 6:15. And, by the way.. what will you be wearing?
Smarta: Huh? Turquoise shirt, and jeans.. I'm fairly sure I'll be able to recognize you though? I mean, I've seen your pictures and stuff..
BillyBoy: Well I've had a couple of kind of bad experiences. Okay, see you later bye..

SMS...

7:00 Smarta- Still in a cab Should be there fairly soon My apologies
7:16 Billy- Yeah Stuck in traffic will be there soon as well
7:17 Smarta- here now
7:22 Billy-Where are you
7:23 Smarta- back bar
7:24 Billy- at the front got a table just ordered drinks

And we meet..

I get up from the bar and start walking out of the back bar area. I walk through the hallway and into the front area. I see a guy raising out of his seat and smiling at me. Uhm... split second recognition. Not of the person, but the situation. Apparently BillyBoy is a bit older and fatter than in his pictures. And HE was worried. Ha.

And we chat...

So BillyBoy isn't funny, and a bit stuck on himself. I on the other hand can and do make myself laugh. I ask him about his previous "other weight" and "what will you be wearing" comments. I ask him, very seriously, if he was maybe concerned that I might be in a wheelchair. (he's such an ass) And he tells me how he's been disappointed, and how most of the girls he meets don't really look like their photos. He also says he's only been on 1 or 2 dates (is it 1?, is it 2?). He excuses himself to go to the restroom. The guy at the next table nods up at me " Blind Date?" And I respond that it's not that, just a mis-understanding. BillyBoy comes back, and I excuse myself. I have a message from Jerome (go dog) asking about my date. I SMS "False Advertising". He offers to have me paged from a phone call at the bar. giggle. I also manage to now have one drink in me, so I SMS an old boyfriend who I should NOT be talking to. Thanks Billy!! I go back, we chat some more about Billy's disappointments and his law practice. I make myself laugh by telling him about my hobbies of knitting and speed walking. He leaves again. Next table guy shouts out "lose the dork". I ask him to be kind, as I myself am a stranger in a strange land. BillyBoy returns.. We finish up our drinks, and BillyBoy turns to me.."You seem like an upfront person... and I want to be straight forward and honest with you.. I have to leave now.. for another match date. " What? You, serious buddy? "But I think you are really great, so I might call you later to hang out." At which point he gets up and leaves.

Let me repeat that. BillyBoy gets up, tells me he is leaving to go on another date, and leave my ass in the middle of Los Angeles without offering me a ride/cab. That's right BillyBoy is quite the prince.

Anyway, to wrap this up.. me and guy at the next table (Charles, the 42 year old black man) have a couple more drinks. Go back to the Standard. Party on the roof. He asks if I've ever been with a black man. I tell him that I'm not into Brothers. He makes fish faces at me trying to make out, and I introduce him to three women (white, latino, asian), that have grabbed the table next to us, one of whom he might fancy. And then I go to bed.

The End

Summer Solstice

Today is the longest day of the year.

I'm not sure what that means to us, who wake up, get dressed, ride/drive to work only to enter the confines of a tallrise. Then we sit there, and if we are lucky we get to eat lunch outside, maybe have a conversation with someone, maybe enjoy the breeze just a bit. After that, we go back in and bide our time until the late afternoon, where we go back home. There, we go prepare dinner and eat it, and then turn on the tube, maybe read a book. So the sun sets a little later, so it's light in our home a minute longer. Wish we could remember to enjoy it.