Argh!

Why do I care that some boy is not e-mailing me back? I don't understand. I mean, just a month ago, I was solidly happy without anyone of the male persuasion communicating with me at all. And now some random boy, who I could easily have avoided, is making me waste time otherwise spent on e-mailing my friends, in thinking about the reasons he is too occupied to write me back. I mean I am a "with it", fun, 30 year old (Sidenote- I really hate that I am currently not in my late 20's, or my early 30's.. I think being in the 'ees makes it fell more communal. Right now I am feeling a bit alone.) and apparantly I care. I care that some schmuck of a guy is not calling me. I care that he is taking however many hours to e-mail me back. I care that he is no longer sending me a text message first thing in the morning. I care that I am thinking about this while I should be doing work. I care that his apparent disinterest is making me waste my time.

I can't deny that after I get a call/message/email from him I smile. It's a little bit of excitment, appreciation, and gladness all rolled into a tiny little smile escaping from my mouth. I should know better. I know that only I can make myself happy. I know that only I have power over my actions and reactions. I know all this.. I know it truly, and completely, and can tell it all to you over and over again. It is my gospel, my truth... Why then, have I cared for the last two days about it? Why am I annoyed that after replying to his "What's going on, where are my messages e-mail" I have not heard a peep? I am so annoyed I could scream. Annoyed at myself mostly.

p.s. this is a rhetorical post. all these "whys" have already been answered.